If the world was mine

1. Fridays and Mondays would be half days at work. That way we can ease in and out.
2. Las Vegas would be the capital of the world.
3. World leaders could talk out problems and if that didn't work, break out the board games.
4. If you did something stupid, you could get sued by the company for using the product or service like an asshole. So if you are overweight and died because you decided to pop a bunch of pills with ephedrine and go running in 100 degree weather, you can be sued by Xenedrine. Plus the company can sue your parents for breeding stupidity. I'm tired of stupid people fucking it up for everyone. If you spill coffee on yourself, everyone gets to laugh at you.
Every horrible crime that you commit would result in publicly televised ass fucking. Imagine how much the crime rate would go down if there were public ass fuckings. Like the days when they chopped off your head except they get 10 big dudes to just rail you in front of millions of viewers.
P. 1 "lets go rob houses for extra money"
P. 2 "no thanks man"
P. 1 "why not?"
P. 2 "because I don't want to get caught and get publicly ass fucked. I've seen the look on those dudes faces."
You know the crime rate would go down. Nobody wants to be "that guy" for the rest of his life.
5. I'd make religious people stop scaring everybody.
6. Teachers would get paid better but would have to make learning fun and not just pick up a check. There are so many ways a teacher can make the shit interesting and fun but they stick to the same program.
7. The Oscars and AVN awards would blend together, creating one long but interesting movie award show.
8. Actors and musicians wouldn't be able to talk about right and wrong. "Hey you over there. You get paid a lot of money to pretend to be people in front of a camera and you over there, you sing in rhyme. That's it. You don't know anything about reality so keep your mouth shut!" Memo to all actors and musicians: STOP TAKING YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY.
9. Everybody would be free to smoke weed and do X, as long as they ran it by me first.
10. I'd make people who hang out at abortion clinics and scare people, build houses for the poor or work in homeless shelters. If you have that much free time on your hands, you'd be forced to put it towards something useful instead of creepy.
11. Say anything bad about strippers and strip clubs and get your tongue cut out.
12. Tough guys wouldn't have to be, and not-so-tough guys wouldn't have to try to be.
13. All disagreements with me would have to be settled with a game of Madden for PS2. Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to mention that it's best out of three, I mean five, errr seven.
14. VIP rooms in clubs would be outlawed. I don't want anyone thinking they are so "cool" that they need their own room.
15. Math would be optional, not required.
16. I could take away all my mother's pain that exists in her head.
17. If you hurt an animal for anything besides basic necessity, you loose a limb. Now think of that show on animal planet with those cops that bust people of negligence against animals. Now imagine the look on the the faces of the animal abusers when those two ladies show up with machetes going "Sir, because you neglected your dog and he is severely underweight and is infested with ticks, I'm going to need you to place your arm on this piece of wood."
18. We would respect the old school!
19. You could only bring your fists to a fight.
20. Marriage would be classified as legal prostitution. Yeah, I said it.
Hmmmmmm, if the world was mine. What would you do if the world was yours?